Let's Reframe Mental Health

Why reframe mental health?

1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental illness each year. 

1 in 25 adults in the U.S. experience serious mental illness each year. 

These 1 in 5 adults are…

you, me, and everyone we know.

Small and large life experiences speak to us exponentially if we allow ourselves to receive. Recognizing another’s state of mental health in a moment, or in general, is a skill we must hone to improve relationships of all kinds. The awareness that another’s experience is not the same as our own, plus improving our ability to walk in another’s shoes are required. The hope is to reframe our own individual experiences which will ultimately support reframing ‘mental health’ as holistic health - our whole health - collectively.

As we move out of this global Covid-19 experience, my bet is that the statistics will rise. Our entire country has been experiencing, at the very least, continual underlying anxiety that could easily manifest into some interesting expressions through our minds and bodies over time. Now more than ever, it is imperative to break this stigma and reframe “mental health” to instead reference our holistic health which includes all realms of life.

Without stigma, more people could release any shame around seeking support. 

The shame (watch this link to the end!) around our state of mental health can be more detrimental to our mental health than the experiences that brought on the shame! 

Much of our struggle comes down to shame. This is the root cause. This is how Eastern and Western philosophies differ in improving our health and wellbeing. In the West, the tendency is to slap a bandaid on the problem, usually in the form of a pill, rather than seek out the root cause.

Shame is the root cause. This includes shame around the inability to afford mental health support given for most, this type of service is not included within our health insurance policies. Yet time and time again, clients who use health insurance for not much else physically are unable to gain coverage for mental help.

And let’s be honest, due to the stigma around seeking help, spending that kind of cash to go deep into the support that is far from fun, but necessary, is not a natural tendency in a society that now runs on instant gratification in every moment in every realm of life. 

Why go deep into ourselves when we can just “swipe right”?

Life is challenging. 

Yet as a species, we have evolved. We are all much more aware than previous generations of imprinting we picked up along the way that may not be serving our progression. It’s okay. We should be able to consciously discuss our experiences with our loved ones sans the shame train!

But keeping up appearances individually and within family systems still takes precedant, especially in the age of Instagram. The desire to make life better should not be one cloaked in shame. 

Enjoying life is our birthright.

From a newfound grounded, neutral, integrated place, we can then better recognize in one another that our more reactive or out-of-balance states are stemming from imprinting and not to be taken personally. We can then sit in the “hot seat”, speak our truths, and hear out another’s with conscious awareness that both parties are seeking interdependent progression.

Crafting the ability to hold space and even just assume that the other party also wants life to be better takes a lot - time, energy, space, dedication, money (more often than not), willingness to cultivate an overall less reactive state of being in oneself, and heartfelt desire. Phew.

We pick up imprints along the way and then create our individual strategies for no other reason than because we are human. This means you, me and everyone we know. Our families, caregivers, teachers, friends, and really any experience, large or small, that left an impact on us in any way, are all part of the concoction that makes up the human cocktail.

The parts lesser known are those that sit deep within our subconscious. Imprinting also includes modeled behavior - how all of our caregivers carried their own energy due to their own experiences with their caregivers, as well as how they all interacted with one another in our presence.

Whether it’s anxiety, depression, unresolved trauma, sleep issues, intrusive thoughts, eating anxieties, compulsiveness, control tendencies, or even “high-performance” - these can all be expressions of coping strategies we need to feel safe, secure, loved, or even to survive in varying degrees dependent on our individual situations.

This is why mental illness is deemed the “invisible illness”. It is not tactile and can even appear in disguise as what society deems to be a positive trait. It’s also usually not spoken of, keeping it taboo much like money or sex, rather than being an important part of our holistic health conversation. It is imperative that “mental illness” be brought into the light in order for all of us to live fully expressed lives.

As much as folks may dislike the “woo woo”, I will say it again and again… 

Everything is connecteD.

the ripple effect is real.

Hurt people, hurt people.

The trauma might be small, but sometimes the imprint is large and can affect every step of a person’s life including everyone they touch.

“Acting out”, whether from a teenager or 50-year old, is really just a sign of our lesser-loved or lesser-acknowledged qualities (our shadow) sitting in the subconscious keeping us from what we truly desire. Working with the subconscious, we are better able to integrate our shadows and improve life. This work, shadow work, is not for the faint at heart. But I can assure you that shadow work - works.

Modalities such as yoga and meditation can help begin this process. They support us in many ways, but in regard to the subconscious, they encourage the building of new neural pathways in our brains. Gradually, we release old patterns by creating new ones. Hypnosis, breathwork (pranayama and modern extensions of pranayama), and many more “out of the box” modalities and therapies can help break through the toughest barriers.

What makes me some so-called expert?

I know because I have used all modalities previously mentioned, including coaches, therapists and mentors, plus a handful of waaaaaay out of the box avenues for a couple of decades. (I also self-taught and practiced as much as possible because this shit gets expensive.) Then, and only then, did I move through several certifications to continually learn, hone my skills, and share with others. This doesn’t mean I have everything figured out. It definitely doesn’t mean I’m anywhere near perfect. But thankfully, the need to be perfect (sitting in the recesses of my own mind) in order receive love has been (mostly) kicked to the curb.

Essentially, this only means I have self-supported myself through some incredibly challenging times as a 100% self-made female since my formative years in America. I didn’t grow up in a family system that experienced much of their own necessary emotional/physcial/financial support. Therefore, this was not modeled for me in order to successfully model it for anyone else. I had to own my stuff and get to work. (Don’t get me wrong, I have lovely parents and my basic needs were exceeded.)

When it comes to walking this path of reframing and repatterning our own holistic health, it’s much like finding the right yoga teacher, with all of his/her nuances, that work specifically for us. This, too, will change with time! Same goes for this deeper work. Over time, we try different tools, technologies and techniques to reach and transmute what is not only buried deep in the subconscious, but also deep within our physical bodies. Another topic - the body does not lie.

It is imperative we try different therapies and healing modalities to continually integrate what we find. Here’s hoping the healthcare system will someday catch up to suit our current state of affairs, our ever-increasing rate of evolution, and public health.

It is possible to reframe mental health.

Like everything, it is not black and white. But I’m opening the conversation to reframe “mental health” to “holistic health”. I speak from my own experiences within my family and intimate relationships, and happy to share.

Tell me your story and I will tell you mine.

After what we’ve been through so far in 2020, the entire world needs support. The time to normalize the ever-shifting states of our mental health, and those who work tirelessly to support this work, is now. 

This is call for all of us to continue to step into our worth, own our stories, tell our stories, and share what we’ve learned with the world.

Seek and Stay to Score Perfect Waves

Seekers - We Are Running Out of Time

Ever stop to notice that the endless seeking for something shiny, better, or new has only left you more lost than ever? Here's what’s likely happening.

We first world humans have a natural inclination to want more, be more, be better, and be perfect. When we encounter each new awakening of sorts, we might suddenly feel the need to run away and go on the now classic “journey”, seeking a way to "fix" ourselves. Welp. That will only get ya so far. The life of a seeker never ends. After a certain point, true magic transpires when we stay and face the waves breaking right in front of us. 

There is nothing wrong with us. We all have “stuff”.  

While important to seek resolutions to greater issues and ailments, we are not broken. What we are dealing with is simply the human condition. We all have this pesky “stuff”. And once we find one answer, there will always be another journey to arrive at the next answer. We all have pluses and minuses. We all mess up. No one is perfect. And time is a-wastin’.

Our generation has been fortunate to go on this journey of self-exploration. Even in the first world, most of our parents didn’t have this luxury. Expectations were to go to school, get married, and have kids in a time when the internet did not exist. Without easy access to information, life was simple as well as more challenging. Most people simply did not have the opportunity to indulge in self-discovery. 

Now we are now beginning to move past the information age. Today, many people are just beginning to “wake up”. We have evolved as a species. We have learned an awful lot about ourselves, our relationships, and how to grow and thrive in the world. We’ve learned how to make life better. 

But we are running out of time.

Without going into the insanity of what’s happening in the world today, if one has learned some things along the way, repaired and resolved the past as best as possible, there is good chance it’s time to step into action. Like, for real. This means, at bare minimum, an effort must be made to have actual conversations that need to be had, own what’s ours, and offer heartfelt apologies. There is no other way to repair and resolve. If we’ve at minimum attempted this whole shin-diggity-dang. Then awesome.

Side Note: This kind of stuff does not become resolved over text or email messages. There is not much neutralization of our nervous systems over messaging. Human connection, people. Face-to-face. Phone call, or hey face-time, if at a distance. Or we can choose to repeat the drama in the next similar situation rather than resolve it now. The choice is always ours. 

Time is Running Out

For those who have hit about 75% of finding peace within their individual issues, it’s time. It’s time to take responsibility. It’s time to stop running away. It’s time to share. It’s time to support. We need you now. Because time is running out.

With all that’s happening in the world, it’s been predicted that we have less than 30 years to turn this entire ship around. Our planet, politics, humanity – it’s all connected.  

There is simply no time left for endless journeys to fix ourselves, sitting in meditation for 30 years, or going on countless psychedelic trips to resolve our “stuff”. All of this continual work is important. But it’s time for action. 

What and how can you share now?

 There are so many ways! Large and small. They can be silent. They can be loud and proud.

            • Shift your career

            • Uphold industry pay standards + hold a pro-bono client

            • Start a true non-profit

            • Visual artists – let’s please tell more stories that matter!

            • Commune – with your loved ones, teams, and tribes

            • Smile at someone today

Even if we did eventually find a state-of-self somewhere near enlightenment, it is guaranteed someone somewhere will ruffle our feathers. When we are faced with situations that trigger us, instead of sitting with what is happening and dropping into heartfelt conversations so that we can repair, resolve, learn and evolve, we itch to run for the hills. And that is ok. This whole human thing is quite the experience. Words and events can be shocking to our systems. This happens when we have not resolved our “stuff”. But it’s ok! Do the work, acknowledge that itch, learn how to sit with what is happening, stay to receive the lesson, integrate it to move past it, repair the situation, resolve and evolve.

We have that prickly experience. We notice. We notice our impulses. We notice our choice of actions. We “woman up”. We “man up”. We learn. We progress. Within progression is where happiness and freedom await.

Initially, yes, we must turn within and begin to pay attention and cultivate an understanding around what is going on and how to handle being uncomfortable in our own skin. It can be terribly difficult to look at our truths. But this is the starting point.

With this newfound revelation, we might feel the urge to blow up our lives. And there is something to be said for that. Running away, quitting a career, divorce - change will happen all right. 

 But as they say, be careful what you wish for…

Taking these actions in a reactive state versus a resolved state usually only creates a ripple effect of more drama. Coming from a more neutral, grounded place, action might look like speaking with a therapist or coach. It might look like adding a daily meditation - and sticking with it. A handful of therapy appointments, a book and a course will not be a lifelong “fix”. There are a zillion opportunities online alone for continual efforts to observe, learn, understand, change, and transmute without destroying the good we already have been so lucky to find. Often, another human being who is already standing right next to us.

Of course, most of the time, even without an epic event. we simply become complacent. Other times, large and small traumas occur, yet we avoid. Fun must be put on pause which is way too inconvenient. So, we quit for what we think will be much more fun, fast and easy. The person next to us who we adore… oops… we forget our good fortune.

It’s not black and white. These scenarios are all overlap. The point is that we must seek. But we also must stay in order to evolve. Otherwise… we get to repeat. 

This path goes on forever. There is no such thing as a perfect life, a perfect wife, nor perfect wave. OK, well maybe a perfect wave. 

But how did we get to catch that perfect wave?!

We stayed out in the water! We didn’t get smacked and run back to the safe haven of the shore. We paddled our hearts out. We were smacked by close outs over and over. We almost drowned. We gulped so much saltwater that we puked. We paddled out again and again until our arms were limp. Then finally, ahhhh, we paddled, popped up, and found the flow. We all know, there is no other feeling like it.  

This is the luxury. We get to choose!

We choose to learn. Or we drop out, numb out (social media, the next muse, Netflix, cocktails, porn, sex, weed, Trump-ing), ghost the person or situation, point the finger, blame, project, and avoid. 

Now it’s easy to stay and avoid simultaneously which will also only lead to difficulties. But really sitting with what is happening, with healthy boundaries, plus tools and techniques to create a learning environment is where we flourish. Ask me.

Seeking is important. Seeking shows we are curious and motivated. At times, this is key. But once we hit about 75% - you guys - we have no time left for this level of self-involvement. There is no such thing as fixing. Perfection does not exist. There is too much work to be done. We all have endless talent to come together, collaborate and find greater ways to share what we have learned and make this planet a better place.

With all due respect, we all need to get over ourselves, drop the drama, and make real shift happen. Commit to those around you. Vow to seek and simultaneously stay with it. Love your people. Ride those waves. Tomorrow could be too late. 

Edited from original post in 2017 on jonimadere.com.